In our first article, we learned about the difference between single-event trauma and complex trauma. Now we need to talk about something equally important: how do you know if unhealed trauma is affecting your life or the life of someone you care about?

Trauma doesn’t stay in the past where it happened. It shows up in the present day in many different ways. Sometimes these signs are obvious, but often they’re not. Many people live with the effects of trauma without even realizing that’s what’s happening to them.

Today, we’re going to explore the signs that trauma might be affecting someone’s daily life. Understanding these signs is like learning to read a map – it helps you figure out where you are and where you need to go next.

Why Recognizing Trauma Signs Matters

You might wonder why it’s important to recognize trauma signs. After all, if someone is struggling with addiction, isn’t that the main problem to focus on?

Here’s the truth: when trauma goes unhealed, it makes everything else harder. It’s like trying to build a house on a shaky foundation. No matter how hard you work or how good your materials are, the house will never be stable until you fix the foundation.

Many people try to get sober without addressing their trauma. They might succeed for a while, but they often struggle more than they need to. They might relapse more often, have trouble with relationships, or feel like something is always “off” even when they’re not using substances.

When we recognize trauma signs, we can start to understand what’s really going on. This understanding is the first step toward getting the right kind of help.

Emotional Signs of Unhealed Trauma

Trauma affects our emotions in powerful ways. People with unhealed trauma often feel like their emotions are in charge of them, instead of the other way around.

Feeling Overwhelmed by Emotions

Small things might trigger big emotional reactions. Someone might start crying over a commercial on TV or get extremely angry about something minor. These reactions often surprise even the person having them. They might think, “Why am I so upset about this?”

Feeling Numb or Empty

On the flip side, some people with trauma feel very little emotion at all. It’s like their feelings got turned off to protect them from pain. They might go through their days feeling like they’re watching their life happen instead of actually living it.

Emotions That Don’t Match the Situation

Someone might feel terrified when they’re actually safe, or feel sad when good things happen. Their emotional reactions might seem to come from somewhere else entirely. This happens because trauma memories can get triggered without the person even realizing it.

Mood Swings

Emotions might change quickly and dramatically. Someone could feel fine one minute and then suddenly feel hopeless or angry. These mood swings can be exhausting and confusing for both the person experiencing them and their loved ones.

Feeling Like Emotions Are Dangerous

Many people with trauma learn to fear their own feelings. They might think that if they start crying, they’ll never stop, or that if they get angry, they’ll lose control. This fear can lead to avoiding emotions altogether.

Relationship Signs of Unhealed Trauma

Trauma often happens in relationships, especially for people with complex trauma. Because of this, relationships can become one of the most challenging areas of life.

Difficulty Trusting Others

When someone has been hurt by people who were supposed to care for them, trust becomes very hard. They might assume that everyone will eventually hurt them. Even when someone is kind and trustworthy, they might wait for the other shoe to drop.

Fear of Abandonment

Many people with trauma live in constant fear that the people they care about will leave them. This fear might be so strong that they push people away first, thinking it will hurt less than being left. Or they might become very clingy and need constant reassurance.

Getting Too Close Too Fast

Some people with trauma don’t know what healthy boundaries look like. They might share very personal information right away or become intensely attached to someone they just met. This often happens because they’re desperately looking for the love and safety they never had.

Staying in Unhealthy Relationships

Chaos and drama might feel normal to someone with trauma. Healthy, stable relationships might actually feel uncomfortable or boring. They might stay with partners who treat them badly because it feels familiar.

Difficulty Setting Boundaries

People with trauma often have trouble saying no or standing up for themselves. They might let others take advantage of them or do things that make them uncomfortable. This usually happens because they learned early that their needs and feelings didn’t matter.

Physical Signs of Unhealed Trauma

This might surprise you, but trauma isn’t just emotional – it’s physical too. Our bodies remember traumatic experiences, even when our minds try to forget.

Always Feeling On Edge

Someone with unhealed trauma might feel like they can never truly relax. Their body stays ready to fight or run, even when there’s no real danger. This constant state of alertness is exhausting.

Sleep Problems

Trauma often affects sleep in many ways. Someone might have trouble falling asleep because their mind won’t stop racing. They might wake up frequently during the night or have nightmares. Some people sleep too much, using sleep to escape from difficult feelings.

Chronic Pain

Many people with trauma experience unexplained pain in their bodies. This might be headaches, back pain, stomach problems, or pain that seems to move around. Doctors might not find any physical cause, but the pain is very real.

Digestive Issues

The gut is often called the “second brain” because it’s so connected to our emotions. People with trauma commonly have stomach problems, nausea, or other digestive issues that don’t seem to have a clear medical cause.

Being Easily Startled

Someone with trauma might jump at loud noises, unexpected touches, or sudden movements. Their nervous system is always on high alert, ready to respond to danger even when there isn’t any.

Feeling Disconnected from the Body

Some people with trauma feel like they’re floating outside their body or like their body doesn’t belong to them. This is the mind’s way of protecting itself from overwhelming physical sensations or memories.

Signs That Show Up in Daily Life

Trauma signs also appear in how someone lives their everyday life.

Avoiding Certain Places or Situations

Someone might avoid crowds, certain types of music, specific locations, or other things that remind them of their trauma. They might not even realize they’re avoiding these things.

Using Substances to Cope

This is a big one for people in addiction recovery. Drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, or other behaviors might be ways of managing trauma symptoms. The substances provide temporary relief from emotional or physical pain.

Trouble Concentrating

When the brain is always watching for danger, it’s hard to focus on other things. Someone might have trouble at work or school, or they might start many projects but never finish them.

Perfectionism or Giving Up Completely

Some people with trauma become perfectionists, thinking that if they do everything perfectly, they’ll be safe. Others give up easily, believing they’ll fail anyway so why try.

What If You Recognize These Signs?

If you see yourself in these descriptions, take a deep breath. Recognizing trauma signs doesn’t mean you’re broken or that something is wrong with you. It means you’re starting to understand why certain things have been difficult.

These signs developed for good reasons – they were your mind and body’s way of trying to protect you from danger. They served a purpose at one time, but now they might be getting in the way of the life you want to live.

The good news is that these signs can change. With the right help and support, people can learn new ways of coping that serve them better. In our next article, we’ll explore the many therapeutic approaches that can help heal trauma.

Remember: recognizing these signs is brave. It’s the first step toward healing and creating the life you deserve.

Next week: Part 3 – The Path to Healing: Therapeutic Approaches for Trauma